Thinking

I've been going through photos looking for a variety of Chris pictures for a slide show. What an experience. It's a little like watching years slide through your fingers. Years that I now realize just dissolved. I thought they'd last forever. And so many questions come to my mind - questions that I can't answer and questions that might not ever get answered. Questions about me, about my parenting, about my kids, about their choices, about the future and the past, funny no questions about Jere, he's a rock. Maybe not always right but always resolved and always trying to do better and move forward. And questions about now, right now. I love Scarlett O'Hara: I'll think about that tomorrow!!

The new look in trees!!

Some branches still dangle. A little like hanging chads only these are dangling branches. Too high to cut off, hope they don't decide to break off and crash to the ground. Other trees are trimmed of their branches and there isn't much left. Waiting to see if they will grow or if they are dead. Cross your fingers!!

Cleaning up Doug's yard

So the ice storm ended and by Saturday temps were in the mid 60s and we headed over to Doug's to help him clean up. Some guys had been going door to door offering to trim trees and broken branches. One shimmied up the big tree in the front yard and little by little cut it down to the ground. All that was left was firewood. We dragged branches to the curb and stacked them for some future day when the chippers would come by and finish them off. There are so many branches in so many yards that it will be months and months before they are all gone. And Jere became a "Chain saw guy", rather manly if you ask me. And I even became a "Chain saw mama." A big job, all done now!!

Before and After

We sat outside and watched this little tree. The ice got heavier and thicker and we started to hear the fearful cracking sounds as though the branches were going to snap right off. And then this little tree started to lean, farther and farther. We thought we might even be able to video it as it fell to the ground. After a while we went inside, although nothing had happened I was sure the by morning it would be laying flat on the ground. It was sad, sad, sad!! By the next day the sun had come out and the ice had started to melt and drip. And the day after that whole chunks of ice were just dropping to the ground. The little branches seemed to shake themselves off and lift themselves up to the sky and the sun. And it wasn't leaning anymore at all, it was standing upright just the way it had been before the ice storm attacked it. And now just two weeks later this little tree is in bloom. And with those blooms comes the hope that spring brings. What a great little tree!!

Arkansas Sunset

Beautiful, just absolutely beautiful. I was thinking, "red sky at night, sailor's delight." I don't know if this qualifies as a red night sky and I don't even know any sailors but it sure is pretty!!

My Mom

For the last two or so weeks I have been intensely involved with my mom's life. She is 89. She has stubbornly stayed in her home, living alone and caring for herself, but things are getting rough. She has macular degeneration, she constantly tells me that it might be getting better. Her mobility is very bad, we got her a wheelchair several years ago to help her get around. Up to that point she had been using a sponge mop as a walking stick, her "buddy" she called it. She shakes a little, she doesn't sleep very well, she can't bath herself, she still enjoys cooking although that is becoming a real hazard, she can remember things that I have totally forgotten, she never takes more than Advil or Tylenol, her blood pressure is low, she is lonely and she loves to talk to people, and she is becoming more and more paranoid.

A couple of years ago there was a flood in her basement. I went home with her to help clean it up and discovered two absolute treasures, an old diary and a collection of letters from my dad to her. They were written during the same time period. It was fascinating to have a glimpse into her life when she was in her late teens and early twenties. It was strange to read about her going to play tennis or going skiing when I've never seen her do either of those things. It was strange to read about a man named Gordon, who she was dating when she met my dad, and to continue reading about her emerging feelings for Craig, my dad.

It has been hard. I'm not sure what to do for her. She is stubborn and independent and wants more than anything to preserve her house as my brother's and my inheritence. That isn't going to work because she needs that money to live on. And that's exactly what she should use it for.

Aging - it's just hard to watch. It's hard to cope with. It's hard to deal with. It's just hard, hard, hard. I love her and at the same time she drives me crazy. I constantly remember the good things though, all of the years and the things, so many things, that she had done for me. I wish I could be better. I wish things could be better for her.

Ice Storm - Day 3 - the Beauty in the Storm

Throughout the day as the sun is coming out there are moments when the ice looks like a million diamonds. The trees glisten! They sparkle! I grab my camera and rush outside to try to capture the beauty.

That sun is tricky. As soon as I get outside, it ducks behind a cloud and the beauty has vanished. I play the go in and go out game. I'm not very satisfied with my pictures. I just can't capture the incredible beauty but I try my best.

As the sun is shining we start hearing the dripping of melting ice. Along with continual cracking and crashing. I think maybe some of the branches were glued up there and as the ice melts they continue to fall. So along with the beauty there is still the awful sound of destruction.

Still no power so the Sisters decide to stay the night again. But another miracle is about to occur, just around the time the Garff's come back with Arby's the lights go on, the furnace starts up, the fridge starts to hum and the tv, well - it doesn't come back. Something about trying to find a signal. Oh well, we're okay without it.

We play Cheese and Crackers again and again and again and then the Garffs decide to head back to their apartment to sleep there. (I find out later that they didn't have power, and yes it was another freezing night for them.) We snuggle down in beds in the bedrooms, which I had up to this point kept closed off to keep the heat in the middle of the house. Life is good!!

Ice Storm - Day 3 - My poor car!!

This car has gas, well 1/4 tank and that's better than the other one which is empty. This car however cannot be opened. The ice is nearly 1/2 inch thick. My brother wisely suggested I use a hair dryer to thaw the ice (no power Merrill). I can't figure out how holding a powerless hair dryer near the car will do one bit of good so I don't even try it. By afternoon the sun has broken through and the passenger side of the car has shed its icy coat. Elder Garff opens that side and starts up the car, we'll warm it from the inside out!! It works and he heads off to the gas station to fill this car. He discovers that the closest station has emergency power so that emergency vehicles can also fill up there. He and Sister Garff stop at Arby's and pick up dinner for us all. Delicious. Things are looking up!!

Ice Storm - Day 3

I wake up early and start listening to my walkman. It's cold, 16 degrees. Stay home unless you absolutely have to go out. Driving conditions are terrible. Branches and limbs continue to fall, it's dangerous. Power is out all over the place. Hope to have it back in 4 or 5 days.

One look out my front window shows me terrible devestation. I'm so sad. I call our Senior Missionaries. They have no power, it's so cold in their apartment. I invite them over. They tell me that as soon as they can chip their way into their car they'll come over. We eat breakfast. And then I make the most wonderful discovery of all time - I have hot water!! That beautiful gas water heater has been quietly doing its job and there is hot water!! Two seconds later I'm in the shower, feeling rather luxurious. Still no power but I'm not so concerned about that now, I just sit by the fire and dry my hair. The Sisters take turns having showers. It's the most wonderful thing in the world!!

Elder and Sister Garff finally pull into the driveway in their heavily ice laden car. The roads aren't too bad but trees are down all over. So this seems like the perfect time to - that's right - make a craft. I pull out pretty paper, composition notebooks, glue sticks, ribbon, stamps, you name it, and the ladies get busy and make beautiful notebooks. Takes us the rest of the morning. Elder Garff alternately studies and dozes. We've got beautiful music on the battery powered CD player and that wonderful fireplace keeping us warm.

Ice Storm - Day 2 - Night Falls

Okay, things are definitely getting worse. The drive back to the Sister's apartment, we took another route to avoid Lakeview, is still pretty hazardous. Lots more tree limbs down and falling. Actually pretty hard to get down some of the streets. And the temperature is dropping, the prediction is for really cold temps tomorrow. The sisters make it up to their apartment and then report to me that their power is still off. I suggest that they might want to come back to my house, no telling how long the power will be out. They are brave though and assure me that they will be "just fine!" As I start to drive away I have the very strong feeling that I should indeed take them home. So I go right over their heads and call Pres. Seal, the mission president. He is in total agreement that they should go with me, so I call them back and tell them to grab a few things we're going back to my house to spend the night. And interestingly they are really glad that I called back, seems that they were actually about to call me for the same reason.

Now on the ride home I start thinking about another problem. The gas light on the car is on and the tank is at the E mark. I pass several gas stations, each has a rather long lines of cars and the prices seem to be too high, I'm sure I can find it cheaper, so I continue on my merry way assuming that the stations nearer my house will be best. OH NO, White Oak Station is closed. OH NO, the station on the corner is closed. OH NO, the one down the street is closed. At this point we just head for home.

We light candles, turn on my little lanterns, and fire up the few briquettes I have. While I am cooking dinner on the grill I am constantly hearing the sharp "CRACK" and crash of limbs falling. Some are so close that we run to the front door to look, and right across the street the trees that tower over the two-story house are cracking and falling to the ground. Right next door, limbs are littering the yard and totally blocking their front door. At this point this sound has changed from awesome to terrible and terribly sad! Throughout the evening we continue to hear the "CRACK"/crash. It's awful.

The gas fireplace makes the house cozy inside. I heat up water on the grill and we drink hot cocoa and play "Cheese and Crackers." It's so dark. At 7 pm I'm ready to just climb into bed. Still no power. Not a light along the street. I'm wondering how the ward members are doing. My cell phone is about to die and I don't want to charge it in the gasless car. We last until about 10, the Sisters make beds on the couches and I fill up an air mattress so I can sleep comfortably in the living room too. We read scriptures, have a prayer, say our own prayers, and fall asleep.

I'm wishing I could take a nice warm shower. Should have done it earlier!!

Ice Storm - Day 2 Continued

I call the Sisters. "Let's head out. This storm might get worse and I'd hate for you to be without any food." At the store I start to notice that the stock seems to be a little low. Obviously the grocery run had happened the day before. Not a D battery to be found. No charcoal briquettes (my grill is my alternative cooking source). Well, I'll just have to make do!!

We stop at Taco Bell for lunch. On our way back to the Sister's apartment they let me know that they can't do any work today (by the way, at this point we have learned that the U of A is closed, many stores are closed, the government buildings are closed, AND they are starting to cancel basketball games, this is getting serious!!) so could they do anything to help me? Thinking quickly I say, "Yes, I want to move some furniture and if you're sure it's okay I'd love to have some help." We start to notice that the trees are bending down and branches are hanging pretty low under the weight of the quickly accumulating ice. While I'm waiting at their apartment I start to hear the loud crack and crash of branches snapping off and falling to the ground. Let me tell you, that's an awesome sound, at least I thought so then. A huge pine by their apartment has lost its top and it's bending way over.

As we drive to my house the fun (????) really begins. Along Lakeview, a street lined with huge trees - many overhanging the road, we start to see branches - no let's make that limbs - falling. One whole huge tree has fallen and is part way into the road. In some places it is now a one lane road. At one point we're stopped under the deeply drooping branches of a huge tree waiting for oncoming traffic to get past, still seeing and hearing branches falling in front and behind us. Okay, this is getting really frightening, I don't like it one little bit. I don't want to die in my car crushed by an ice laden tree!! Luckily we make it home without incident.

It's cold inside, okay not really but my idea of cold is where I've started to take sides with the Arkansans, and I think 65 is pretty nippy. Luckily I've got a gas fireplace and it quickly begins to heat up the house. We laugh and move furniture. I locate lanterns and candles and flashlights. And then it's time to take them back to their apartment.

The Ice Storm - Day 2

Tuesday - the day I take the Sisters grocery shopping. We always go out for lunch. It's our tradition!! (Actually Sister Lemmon calls it "our party"!)

I check outside to see just how bad it is. The streets are wet but not at all icy. Lots of traffic going past the house. The bushes and grass is glazed and really quite beautiful. Mr. Bear and I hop in the car, camera in hand, to check things out and to take a few photos. Amazingly pretty!! Ice is accumulating on things but the roads are in great shape. When we get home I start putting the pictures on the computer. Flicker go the lights, off goes the computer. In a matter of seconds everything is going again and I start the computer and go back to my photo task. Flicker go the lights, off goes the computer. Once again it's only a matter of seconds before we're back in business. Once again, flicker, off, and then this strange sound - like a toy when it runs out of wind-up. Furnace is off, fridge is silent, tv is quiet, and things are just a little darker inside. "Hmmmmmm, I should have showered, now my blow drier won't work!" Silly me.