Sad Things

For the last week my heart has been heavy. Thinking about two families - one who has lost a son and another whose son was spared. Questioning - why? Having faith that God is in charge and that he will make it all right, somehow. Feeling the absolute empty, gut-wrenching pain that one family must be going through. The intense desire, the total need to wake up and discover that this has just been the most terrible dream that one could ever have. And yet realizing that this isn't a dream at all but a new, hard, sad, horrendous reality. How do you adjust to that? And on the other hand the extreme gratitude of another family who could have lost a son, who could have a son who is now a paraplegic but whose son was spared. The long recovery will be nothing compared to what could have happened. And somewhere in the middle our family with two sons who were not involved at all simply because they were gone to our family reunion but would have been if they had been at work in Minneapolis. One is totally involved in helping two families heal. A tall young man with thin shoulders who is trying, and expected to reconstruct the shattered pieces of a worlds that have forever changed. The other feeling the pain of what could have been, also trying to help give comfort and encouragement. Sons who are feeling the pain of loss, the joy of survival and the guilt of just not being there, of just not being able to change the course of what is now history.





And my prayer is that each individual is blessed according to his or her individual need. That each individual can heal, find peace, solace, comfort.





Isaiah 41:10 ""Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."





Isaiah 41:13 "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee."

Home Again?

Sitting here, back from the Clune Family Reunion. Feeling blue, melancholy, satisfied, lonely. Wondering why some things happen, wishing I knew more answers, wondering how to help people in pain. Loving my family, feeling blessed by each of them, thinking that being together is the very best place to be. Thinking about Matt and wishing he had been with us. And thinking about and anticipating the next get together!

Oh Happy Day!

Maybe it's not true of everyone but with each big life event that has occurred in our family I have always had this slight concern that just maybe things might not turn out okay. No particular reason, in this case it was probably just a mother's concern for her child and deep hope that he'll always have everything he needs to be happy. Concern based on the unknown - the future. And then at some point comes the peace and the calm feeling that everything is just right and "God's in His heaven" looking over us all. It happened twice during this week of wedding festivities, once when I was alone and silently contemplating and praying. The knowledge that this is a good match and that this is right. And then the seecond time as the sealing was taking place, seeing the absolute joy and excitement on the faces of Morgan and Chris - absolutely no denying that they were nearly bursting with joy and excitement!! After that it was easy to just sit back and bask in the glow of the wedding festivities!!

What a beautiful day - perfect weather, the whole family together, in the perfect place. Who could ask for anything more?

Thinking

I've been going through photos looking for a variety of Chris pictures for a slide show. What an experience. It's a little like watching years slide through your fingers. Years that I now realize just dissolved. I thought they'd last forever. And so many questions come to my mind - questions that I can't answer and questions that might not ever get answered. Questions about me, about my parenting, about my kids, about their choices, about the future and the past, funny no questions about Jere, he's a rock. Maybe not always right but always resolved and always trying to do better and move forward. And questions about now, right now. I love Scarlett O'Hara: I'll think about that tomorrow!!

And a Good Time was had by ALL

It was just wonderful Christmas - what else can I say. Fun, games, laughing, two dogs fighting, I can't think of anything better! Oh did I mention food?